I Don't Have Commitment Issues... Thanks To You

My freshman year of college I lost 25 pounds. My sophomore year of college I built a team of a dozen peers and lead a very successful direct sales team. A few months back I trained for 13 weeks and ran my first half marathon. Last year I gave up coffee for Lent and did not cheat once. Why am I giving you a laundry list of random recent accomplishments? Because there is a single reason that those were all not only goals I set, but fully committed to and succeeded at. Why were these goals different than the countless others my mind has dreamed up? I made public commitments to you. "You" meaning not just myself... I put my goal out there into the universe. After it escapes my mind, it truly does not matter if my progress is followed intricately by 40 friends or celebrated with a high five from a family member at the finish line. Once it's out of my mouth and written down it is real and it has expectations that mean something.

I'll be the first to say that I am my own harshest critic and I am not one to give up easily, but I accredit almost every large success I have had to other people. Not always their physical role, but the fact that I told another soul my intentions. Many of you have seen your friends on social media post that they are quitting a bad habit or getting a gym membership and proceed to  ask your computer screen why they feel the need to share... I am guilty as well. Most of the time, I am also guilty of allowing my own selfish reasons prevent me from encouraging them in these new endeavors.

The scene plays out as so... Status of random Facebook "friend" that I haven't seen since high school "Announcement all, I am starting Paleo for humanitarian reasons. Please post below any recipes you have! So excited for this journey!"... I can't tell you how many one liner jokes come to mind when I see this on my feed. Even though I have considered pursuing a similar dietary move, for similar reasons, almost weekly myself. Why is poking fun my natural inclination? Almost certainly insecurity. Stemming from fear and lack of willpower to do the same. This stranger has chosen to share their new goal, which most likely scares them, with all of us via social media. How brave! Who knows whether they are looking for supportive advice or encouraging words or, like me, just need to tell the universe so that I am held responsible. Social media has a bad rep and for many good reasons, but for this I'll defend these platforms. As humans, we have a need to connect with others and sites like Facebook allow us to do this. We all spend more hours inhabiting these spaces then we will admit... and I do not see that changing on a large scale any time soon. Let's all do our part to put a little more good energy into these social sites instead of complaining about the negatives. If you were really that "anti-social media" then you would not be posting a status about it. Since you've chosen to spend your time scrolling why not use minimal effort to encourage someone. Be the positive difference instead adding more negativity to our newsfeeds.

In conclusion, let Jen go vegan and Steve quit smoking and Jackie start Crossfit. They set a goal and have taken the first step by putting it out there and telling a friend or their 1000 friends on social media. I can speak from experience, when I say that public commitments have made all the difference between goals I have set and goals I have accomplished. Give them the thumbs up instead of the middle finger and maybe they'll do the same when you decide to pursue your next adventure.

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Speaking of adventures.... starting January 1 I will be going on my own. A journey I am bursting with excitement to journal and share. 2018 will be the year of my very own Happiness Project. Modeled after the book by Gretchen Rubin. My short synopsis of this read is.. Though she was a successful career women with a beautiful, loving family she commonly found herself stressed, argumentative and unappreciative. She didn't live with happiness as a high priority and as an avid researcher she decided to learn as much about the subject as possible. After months of collecting information and self reflecting on her very own happiness-hurdles she set a 12 month plan. Each month was given a broad subject like "January, Vitality: Boost Energy" with smaller steps under each larger focus. At the end of the year and her book.. well you'll have to read it yourself to hear the result... BUT I was inspired to do the same. Until I closed the cover and returned back to my day-to-day with not much more than a few small "happiness tips" implemented into my life.

I graduated last May and for the past 6 months I have been adjusting to my first full-time job and living back at home with my parents. For lack of better words, both aspects of post-college life are "great". I have a loving family, a supportive boyfriend, a cuddly dog and a job that provides me constant excitement and challenge. I can hear you all now... yeah, yeah that's nice Kirsty. So what's the problem? That's just it!! I haven't been able to put my finger on it and for someone who has never found words very difficult, this has been frustrating. I completed Gretchen's book months ago, but for the first time... the lightbulb clicked. This feeling I can only describe as 'uncomfortably comfortable'. I have determined that comfortable makes me itchy and stir-crazy and leaves me with a gross taste in my mouth. So I considered moving out... and booking a few long trips... and returning to school... and getting another dog. Well that all seemed a immature or unrealistic for the time being, as I am a recent grad with minimal resources. So how could I get out of my own way and continue to grow as a person while living back in my childhood room? Shake things up a bit. So I've done it. I have set my very own 12 month plan...

Details to follow.

Ride the Wave. You Can't Control the Moon.

“Balance is the key to everything. What we do, think, say, eat, feel, they all require awareness, and through awareness we can grow.” - Koi Fresco

I like to believe that sleepless nights are caused by the moon. A few years back I read that due to our bodies being made up of 60% water, the moon pulls and pushes on us just as it does the ocean tides. Though I was not (am not) sure of the validity behind this factoid, I found a calm happiness in the connection that it created. This allowed me to burden the moon with my midnight, restless mind and dismiss the assumption that my active thoughts were linked to stress or anxiety. 

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For more of my life, I would say that I was obviously a child of the sun. Full of energy, loud, passionate, careless, unworried. I lived quickly and exuberantly, leaving a fiery path wherever I went. Never quite rebellious or hotheaded, but I was most certainly always in a rush and on a mission. Though now I still hold on to many of these traits that I believe make me the individual that I am, I have also found another side to me that was only realized with age and time spent alone. My parents always told other adults that when I was solo I was quiet and calm. They were almost always shocked. This was because I came alive in groups or a crowd (still today I find great energy at gatherings or in team environments). Even so, I have found a calm in my whirlwind nature. 

Being alone for a period of time, whether that means out of a relationship or in a new country, allows you to get to know yourself as if you are discovering a brand new person. Ask yourself these questions... How would you spend your time if you could plan a week on your own? What would you wear if you'd only see strangers? What would you listen to if no one would hear? What do you genuinely like to do? I would not have been able to answer these questions at many times of my life. When you move so quickly and get absorbed in experiences so deeply that you don't notice your surroundings, you can lose who you are or never actually become who you are meant to be...without ever realizing. After being alone, I found a quieter side to my self. Not only was this side a bit darker, but calmer. I was able to sit still and slow down in the middle of a city with bustling people and busy intersections. I was able to pinpoint my feelings toward exact emotions and thoughts. I was able to appreciate small details and simple moments unlike ever before. I found my moon.

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Control has always been a delicate balancing act for me. As much as I believe that everything will always work out as it is supposed to NOW, I have always found a calm in control. I have learned that there are different types of people on this matter. Some actually find lists and schedules to be stressful... That is still odd to me, as I do not at all. The more I am able to plan an event or situation, the more I am usually able to relax. Going with the flow has truly never been natural for me. But like all aspects of my self growth journey, I noticed this as an opportunity and have been trying to improve upon it every chance that I get. Learning to take life as it comes, or bob in the ocean, has been critical to my self-development and relationship building. I used to always feel that if I allowed myself to go with the tide I would eventually 1. Be taken under by the waves that I couldn't see coming or 2. Be left behind by those who swam harder past me. 

I had to reframe...

"Being present" was not the opposite of forward thinking, but appreciating the moment I am in.

"Going with the flow" was not being lazy or submissive, but being adaptive and open-minded.

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My point is this. Sometimes I will wake up bright and energetic facing the sun and other days I'll be drawn toward the quiet and stillness of the moon. I may not always know why I feel one way or another, but I have been able to find positives in harnessing both influences. The days will keep passing and no matter how hard you or I try, we will never be in total control. Find the joy in the whirlwind of life and breathe in the ocean air every second that you can. 

RIDE THE WAVE, we all reach the shore either way. 

Grabbing Life by the Fruit

For a moment, do your best to put yourself in this situation... You're having a rough start to your morning, but you remember to grab a few items as you head out the door to eat for breakfast on your way to work. One of these items being an apple. Your stuck in traffic, stomach growling and you bite into the apple as you try to find a radio station that doesn't make your mood worse. Then you realize that your apple tastes different. It has a rougher feel as you chew and it is much sweeter than most that you've eaten. It doesn't taste bad, but it does not taste exactly like an apple. You know that you have tasted something similar before so you continue to bite the fruit while you try to figure out this familiar taste. Then it hits you, this apple reminds you almost exactly of eating a pear! You are thrilled momentarily to have made the connection, but then get annoyed of the fact that you specifically bought apples and should have paid more attention when making your selection. You stop eating the fruit and throw it out your car window as traffic begins to let up and you continue to work. 

Okay, now come back to me. The point of this story is not to figure out if you, indeed, did purchase the wrong fruit. But to show you how mindset impacts every single situation. Even ones as small as eating a snack in your car. Whether the fruit was an apple or a pear is trivial. Enjoying the fruit because, in that moment, you found it delicious and it fueled your body would have been the ideal reaction. Instead of eating the apple only to solve a question, you could have savored the sweetness of each bite for what it was. I could even go further to say that you could have been thankful in that moment that you can afford gas in your car, fresh fruit in your grocery cart and have a job to be going to. 

In everyday life this need to have productive reasoning behind every choice can be toxic. To view work only as a way to make money. To feed your child only because they are crying. To workout only to lose weight. Framing every day, necessary, acts negatively will result in a negative mindset that only allows you to build up an animosity toward them. If you place an activity in a negative frame, it WILL become a negative activity. This may be life altering news, but you can do some activities just because you like them. Gretchen Rubin in her book The Happiness Project actually writes "...it is easy to be heavy: hard to be light." Meaning that being unhappy takes less work than trying to be happy; which many of us can relate to. Reframing can change the way you live because how you see your life is how you live your life. You can live a happier, more present, more fulfilled life simply by altering how you view everyday occurrences. 

I am not saying that you should walk through life with eyes closed, biting into ever situation without any expectations or to be content with any outcome thrown your way. Drinking orange juice instead of water after you brush your teeth is, and will always be, unfortunate and reframing will not get that horrible taste out of your mouth. However, what I am arguing is that if you can come to the realization that you have control over how you think and feel in every situation, you will then establish more control over your life. I am sure you have heard some play on the saying "You can't change what happens to you. You can only change how you react to those moments." I 100% believe this to be true. Take each experience for what is it and challenge yourself to find the good in that moment. There is always something to be thankful for if you look hard enough. 

I challenge you to try this exercise today. Please don't wait for a horrible experience where you are truly tested, but practice with small unexpected instances in the moment that they are occuring. 

Life is unpredictable, but you have more control than you think.