-Martha Graham
I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. As I've mentioned before, balance is not my forte.With that mentality comes a feeling of urgency and hunger. As if no matter how fast I go or item I check off, I am still behind where I want to be.. where I need to be. I'm not sure I'll ever be truly satisfied with myself because of this mindset, but I sure as hell won't ever settle. That is why, before starting this 12 month journey, I made sure to make overarching commandments. Which would guide me, calm me and remind me of what really matters.
Here are my commandments...
Be Kirsty.
Begin with love.
Find calm in day 366.
Embrace the unexpected.
Recognize and celebrate your growth.
Take control of your thoughts.
Spend time with your feelings.
Pause, always.
Be gentle with yourself.
This month was about foundation. Laying the groundwork for this year. When mapping out my 2018 goals I focused on this month the most, making sure that I put first things first. These goals will stack and, as I constantly remind myself, there will be more months to accomplish other aspirations.. but these are the necessities. When looking at next December, I wanted to know which of my goals, if achieved, would make me feel the most satisfied with my self-growth. After a little soul searching I determined the following 4 goals for January...
1. Hydrate: Drink a water with every alcoholic beverage
2. Safety: Don't touch your phone in the car
3. Mental Clarity: Stretch for 15 minutes a day
4. Strength: Sweat 4 times a week
Here I sit on January 25th, recognizing and celebrating my growth. And I realize I have some explaining to do..
1. If we've met, I'm sure you've heard me exclaim "I'm not a quitter!" This tends to be used in all contexts. Burpees, brunch, shots of tequila... I do not play around. This certainly has upsides and most definite downfalls. Usually my mouth is about 10 steps in front of my head and alcohol extends this gap another 20 feet. I've learned from experience that water helps. It helps the headaches from the booze and the headaches from the conversations I wish I did not have. I learned at a young age that regrets would be my downfall. Even back when Sunny D was my cocktail of choice, my mouth had a mind of its own and mulling over the words I said did not make my life any easier. Apology after apology I'd try to take back comments I made, but I've learned to except my fate and embrace my filterless existence. Some say my transparency is refreshing! Others would say my bluntness is rude. I say.. who cares! Quite frankly, I'm the only person who has to live with my words so I've chosen to accept them. BUT that doesn't mean that I need any fuel pumped into this motor mouth, which is exactly what liquor does. This past month, I have done better. Less Sunday scaries for sure and I'll accredit that to mixing in a freaking water. I will not say I drank one with EVERY drink, but I was a lot more mindful and that is my goal. Perfection is not attainable, so mindfulness is going to do just fine.
2. Many people in my life are afraid of flying. I've never really understood that because what frightens me most are situations where I hold the control. I'm sure any therapist could get to the bottom of that, but I'll just roll with it for now. For example, driving. I'm not a fan and I'm not that good at it. My mind is always in 100 locations and when I am behind the wheel, that is where it needs to be. A cell phone ads another 100 places for my mind to travel! You may be reading this and thinking, "Why would she admit that she uses her phone in the car!? That's so dangerous." Ya.. I know it is! And that is exactly why I have to admit it, to you and myself. I am here telling you all I have a problem and it terrifies me. It not drugs and I'm pretty positive it's not red wine (just yet) but it is using my phone in the car. I have it set that I have to tell my phone I am not driving once I am in a moving car to stop myself, but still after 10 minutes I find myself scanning emails.. What is wrong with me? I am going to have to start shutting it off because this is very important to me and I need to figure it out. I am not typing emails going 60 down the highway, but I allow my mind to wander at red lights and we all know that it only takes a second for a vehicle to change a lifetime. If you have any tricks that have helped you drop this horrible habit, PLEASE SHARE. I need to make a change.
3. My mom hates running. She's explained that through her years of military training, running was a mandatory task and physical measurement for gauging her fitness level. Therefore, once she no longer had to take PT tests, she decided that she no longer was going to do workouts that she did not find enjoyable. I find this similar to a child forced to eat vegetables and them growing to be an adult who embraces their free will by choosing to not each green beans. I like running and I like vegetables.. but I can relate. Stretching through my whole life has been my mandatory activity. I was a flyer in cheering and I remember sitting in splits crying, not from pain necessarily but because there was nothing I wanted to do less than stretch. Once my career as a flyer stopped and aggressive stretching was no longer was crucial, I did as little as possible. A few months later, this contempt had pushed back in my mind and I was focused on improving my body composition through weight lifting. My sister informed me that stretching would help my muscles recover quicker which would encourage growth and loosen my painfully tight hip joints (shocking I know). But at this time, stretching only had one purpose in my mind and I had never reframed to see all of the benefits that were unrelated to cheering. Can you think of one aspect of your life that you avoid because it is mandatory or once was? Can you find a way to reframe this activity for yourself? I was lucky to have done this without consciously trying! It can be very difficult... but so worth it! This past month, I have not stretched 15 minutes every day.. however I've learn a lot about framing stretching in a way that motivates me to do it and not dread the process. I enjoy stretching with other people after workout classes and in yoga, but find stretching alone miserable. Moving forward, I will plan my stretching in my workouts instead of telling myself to find time during the day. I am constantly putting new pressures on my body and stresses on my mind and I highly value the physical and mental benefits of stretching.. this is important to me and over the next month I will continue to work at this practice.
4. I work hard, I swear! The workouts I do get my heart rate up and I am out of breath, but I am just not a sweater. Though this may seem like a positive to others, it has its downsides. Sweat shows that you are working hard! Sweat gets toxins out of your body and skin! I could go to the gym 7 days this next week lifting weights and doing cardio, but unless I really kick my butt I am not going to perspire. I've also found that when I don't really sweat during a workout, I don't feel as accomplished and my mind doesn't feel as clear. I have been living the #fitlife for a while and I know that I prefer to work hard at a gym 4 days and then move my body in different ways the other 3 than work moderately hard at the gym all week. So I made a pact to myself. At least 4 times a week I will really sweat! If that means sprints before I leave after a class or jumping jacks in between sets of curls, I will get myself sweating. With this goal, I've done well! I found 2 classes that fit my schedule, are fun and always make me sweat. So twice a week I know for sure I'll get it in. For the other 2 days, I've been trying different types of circuits and cardio to find what gets me sweating the most. So maybe sweat is not actually the best indicator for how hard I've worked, but it gets me motivated to push myself and try new challenges. So it works for me!
So that was January! I'll be bringing these goals and their many lessons with me on my next month's journey and I am eager to be adding 4 more! February's focus is Mindfulness and Patience. The chapter where I learn to shut up.
