Ride the Wave. You Can't Control the Moon.

“Balance is the key to everything. What we do, think, say, eat, feel, they all require awareness, and through awareness we can grow.” - Koi Fresco

I like to believe that sleepless nights are caused by the moon. A few years back I read that due to our bodies being made up of 60% water, the moon pulls and pushes on us just as it does the ocean tides. Though I was not (am not) sure of the validity behind this factoid, I found a calm happiness in the connection that it created. This allowed me to burden the moon with my midnight, restless mind and dismiss the assumption that my active thoughts were linked to stress or anxiety. 

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For more of my life, I would say that I was obviously a child of the sun. Full of energy, loud, passionate, careless, unworried. I lived quickly and exuberantly, leaving a fiery path wherever I went. Never quite rebellious or hotheaded, but I was most certainly always in a rush and on a mission. Though now I still hold on to many of these traits that I believe make me the individual that I am, I have also found another side to me that was only realized with age and time spent alone. My parents always told other adults that when I was solo I was quiet and calm. They were almost always shocked. This was because I came alive in groups or a crowd (still today I find great energy at gatherings or in team environments). Even so, I have found a calm in my whirlwind nature. 

Being alone for a period of time, whether that means out of a relationship or in a new country, allows you to get to know yourself as if you are discovering a brand new person. Ask yourself these questions... How would you spend your time if you could plan a week on your own? What would you wear if you'd only see strangers? What would you listen to if no one would hear? What do you genuinely like to do? I would not have been able to answer these questions at many times of my life. When you move so quickly and get absorbed in experiences so deeply that you don't notice your surroundings, you can lose who you are or never actually become who you are meant to be...without ever realizing. After being alone, I found a quieter side to my self. Not only was this side a bit darker, but calmer. I was able to sit still and slow down in the middle of a city with bustling people and busy intersections. I was able to pinpoint my feelings toward exact emotions and thoughts. I was able to appreciate small details and simple moments unlike ever before. I found my moon.

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Control has always been a delicate balancing act for me. As much as I believe that everything will always work out as it is supposed to NOW, I have always found a calm in control. I have learned that there are different types of people on this matter. Some actually find lists and schedules to be stressful... That is still odd to me, as I do not at all. The more I am able to plan an event or situation, the more I am usually able to relax. Going with the flow has truly never been natural for me. But like all aspects of my self growth journey, I noticed this as an opportunity and have been trying to improve upon it every chance that I get. Learning to take life as it comes, or bob in the ocean, has been critical to my self-development and relationship building. I used to always feel that if I allowed myself to go with the tide I would eventually 1. Be taken under by the waves that I couldn't see coming or 2. Be left behind by those who swam harder past me. 

I had to reframe...

"Being present" was not the opposite of forward thinking, but appreciating the moment I am in.

"Going with the flow" was not being lazy or submissive, but being adaptive and open-minded.

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My point is this. Sometimes I will wake up bright and energetic facing the sun and other days I'll be drawn toward the quiet and stillness of the moon. I may not always know why I feel one way or another, but I have been able to find positives in harnessing both influences. The days will keep passing and no matter how hard you or I try, we will never be in total control. Find the joy in the whirlwind of life and breathe in the ocean air every second that you can. 

RIDE THE WAVE, we all reach the shore either way. 

Sweaty Mats and Rocky Paths

At the end of a sweaty 60 minute hot yoga session this afternoon with my sister, our teacher read a passage to us. I can not be sure if it was due to the light headed feeling from dehydration, that the chapter I am currently on in my book focuses on mindfulness or a honest to God connection, but this story stuck with me. As she spoke, I found myself feeling very aligned with the warrior she described.

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The story starts with balance. Our quest to constantly find it in everything that we do. "Work-life balance" is a common term that is tossed around at school, with my peers, in interviews and in my own head. At this age and time in my life, I feel grateful to feel so grounded. I am confident in my values and that I will allow those to guide me along my own life path. In my personal and professional life, I have many goals and I refuse to ever let there come a point at which I choose to pursue one so heavily that the other greatly suffers. Without my support system of loved ones, I do not see the motivator behind becoming professionally successful. Sure, accolade, higher education, making an impact and money (yes, I said it) interest me and are determinants of success in my future, but they will never fill the void that a life without family would create.

I am a hard worker, perfectionist and am extremely competitive. Yet I am also a lover, a dreamer and an unruly optimist. 

Next, the story speaks of crawling. Staying close to the ground so that we are able to see the beauty in the moment and the struggle. While also learning about ourselves and our path. By crawling through life, instead of running, we are able to be present and appreciate the good with the bad.

Love is the moral of this story. The importance of making choices to walk alongside another traveler while listening to them and sharing yourself with them instead of pushing along alone. You will learn from them and they will guide you in ways that you never knew you needed. Life was not meant to be traveled through by ourselves. We fall down and wobble so that we may lean others to help us. Don't let your ego stop you from loving and creating relationships. As a very independent person, I understand the need to provide that you can do it on your own... trust me. Try to stay mindful that just because you can, doesn't mean you always should. Be courageous to open yourself up when you are the most afraid, broken and vulnerable. Be authentic in every thing that you do and you will find others who recognize and relate with your true heart.

The last part of the story reminded me that I am stronger than I think I am. "Trust and keep moving." There is a reason that I am here, that I am challenged, that I feel heartache, that I experience loss. Though I am not overly religious, I am spiritual. I do believe that everything happens for a reason; that there is always a purpose. If I am tested, it is to teach and strengthen me. I am never given a weight (metaphorically or physically) that is too heavy for me to hold or lift if I convince my mind that I am able. However, it is important to understand our own strengths and limitations and be proud and humble of those without comparing them to others. We should be proud of who we are and what we are able to do without measuring against peers or professionals. I am not less because they are more or more because they are less. "Comparison is the thief of joy."


Life is a constant balancing act and sometimes you will fall one way or another, but falling does not mean failing. Our journey is made up of peaks and valleys, but the glorious highs cannot be reached if we choose to give up while we wallow in our darkest trenches. 

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As I sit here curled up on my couch and write these words, the satirical and nay-saying devil on my shoulder has some thoughts as well. "How can you be both motivated by money and goals for your future and also preach being present and thankful?" ... "If reaching the ideal state of balance is truly unattainable, then what is truly the point?" .... "Since when did you become such a hippie?"

But, I will choose to ignore those questions right now and sip my zen green tea with lemon. Today I am passionate about yoga and will most likely spend the majority of my night reading up on the teachings of Buddha and finishing my chapter on mindfulness in The Happiness Project. Tomorrow, I may be whistling a whole 'nother tune. Though I may not move to India and become a Buddhist Monk in the near future (I have heard something about a vow of silence? Yikes!). I will keep this story in the back of my head as a constant reminder to crawl through life, to be both a teacher and student through love and always trust the path.

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Following class, I was able to find the author and exact passage online. You can read it for yourself below. I am interested to know if you also find a deep, personal connection to these words or if maybe I was truly just really feeling the Shavasana end of yoga mood.


Love Warrior, 5 Things I Know About the Path

..."If you were perfectly balanced- you’d never have to take any ones hand to steady yourself, and that would be a tragedy. There is no solid ground on the path – so don’t hold your breath till you find it. Breathe deeply and keep moving forward awkwardly. You can make it down the whole path imbalanced and flailing. When you fall, give thanks for the opportunity to rest. While you’re down, send love to every other path walker who’s down with you at that moment. Then get back up. Or crawl. Crawling is encouraged and respected. Path running is fine, but crawling is much better. Crawlers travel with their eyes close to the ground – so they never miss an inch of the beautiful, rocky path. Crawlers get less glory but learn the most about the path’s terrain.

Your fellow travelers are your teachers and students. Your relationships with them will be the hardest part of path-walking. To avoid humbling oneself into the role of student and courag-ing oneself into the role of teacher – many try to walk the path alone. But the path was not designed for solo treks. The path was designed to teach Love. Whenever you introduce your true self to a fellow path traveler and listen and speak and learn and stay with her for a while- that is called Love. Walking With and Staying With messy fellow path travelers for any length of time is Love. Love is the most brutal and beautiful part of path traveling. Participate. Learn from and teach every path traveler you encounter. Exchanging love with fellow path travelers is how we gather the wisdom and strength we’ll need to overcome the next obstacle on our path. Note – You do not teach by teaching- you teach by loving. Be humble and courageous.

You always have enough strength and courage and wisdom. You always have exactly what you need for your daily trek. Sometimes you won’t believe this- because you will encounter stretches of the path that are treacherous and terrifying, but if you give up in the middle of those stretches – if you sit down permanently in them- then you have to live there. Don’t live in the dark, scary parts. Trust and keep moving.  There will be a clearing soon and you will feel the warm sun again. The One who created your path is outside of time, so your life is an epic movie that has already been scripted. Maktub – it’s already been written. You’ve already made it. So don’t plan or worry – your job is to Trust Your Path and participate fully and notice as much as you possibly can and keep on moving.
Don’t ever become proud or ashamed. Don’t become proud that you are further along than many travelers or ashamed that you are far behind others. Your position on the path relative to other travelers has nothing to do with your strength or stamina or wisdom or cunning. We are all in different places because we all have different entry points to the path. Where you are and where everyone else is along the path is none of your concern or business. Let that go. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, always, and so is everyone else. The portion of the path you wake up to today was written for you. Everyone is EXACTLY where she is supposed to be. You are not your own or anyone else’s path-planner. You are a just a traveler. You just keep moving. Trust the Path. Tweet: You are not the path-planner. You are a just a traveler. Keep moving. Trust the Path.

Follow in the footsteps of a billion other mighty travelers who have walked and run and crawled the path before you. Fear not.

Carry On, Warrior."

- Glennon Doyle Melton

Grabbing Life by the Fruit

For a moment, do your best to put yourself in this situation... You're having a rough start to your morning, but you remember to grab a few items as you head out the door to eat for breakfast on your way to work. One of these items being an apple. Your stuck in traffic, stomach growling and you bite into the apple as you try to find a radio station that doesn't make your mood worse. Then you realize that your apple tastes different. It has a rougher feel as you chew and it is much sweeter than most that you've eaten. It doesn't taste bad, but it does not taste exactly like an apple. You know that you have tasted something similar before so you continue to bite the fruit while you try to figure out this familiar taste. Then it hits you, this apple reminds you almost exactly of eating a pear! You are thrilled momentarily to have made the connection, but then get annoyed of the fact that you specifically bought apples and should have paid more attention when making your selection. You stop eating the fruit and throw it out your car window as traffic begins to let up and you continue to work. 

Okay, now come back to me. The point of this story is not to figure out if you, indeed, did purchase the wrong fruit. But to show you how mindset impacts every single situation. Even ones as small as eating a snack in your car. Whether the fruit was an apple or a pear is trivial. Enjoying the fruit because, in that moment, you found it delicious and it fueled your body would have been the ideal reaction. Instead of eating the apple only to solve a question, you could have savored the sweetness of each bite for what it was. I could even go further to say that you could have been thankful in that moment that you can afford gas in your car, fresh fruit in your grocery cart and have a job to be going to. 

In everyday life this need to have productive reasoning behind every choice can be toxic. To view work only as a way to make money. To feed your child only because they are crying. To workout only to lose weight. Framing every day, necessary, acts negatively will result in a negative mindset that only allows you to build up an animosity toward them. If you place an activity in a negative frame, it WILL become a negative activity. This may be life altering news, but you can do some activities just because you like them. Gretchen Rubin in her book The Happiness Project actually writes "...it is easy to be heavy: hard to be light." Meaning that being unhappy takes less work than trying to be happy; which many of us can relate to. Reframing can change the way you live because how you see your life is how you live your life. You can live a happier, more present, more fulfilled life simply by altering how you view everyday occurrences. 

I am not saying that you should walk through life with eyes closed, biting into ever situation without any expectations or to be content with any outcome thrown your way. Drinking orange juice instead of water after you brush your teeth is, and will always be, unfortunate and reframing will not get that horrible taste out of your mouth. However, what I am arguing is that if you can come to the realization that you have control over how you think and feel in every situation, you will then establish more control over your life. I am sure you have heard some play on the saying "You can't change what happens to you. You can only change how you react to those moments." I 100% believe this to be true. Take each experience for what is it and challenge yourself to find the good in that moment. There is always something to be thankful for if you look hard enough. 

I challenge you to try this exercise today. Please don't wait for a horrible experience where you are truly tested, but practice with small unexpected instances in the moment that they are occuring. 

Life is unpredictable, but you have more control than you think.