“Balance is the key to everything. What we do, think, say, eat, feel, they all require awareness, and through awareness we can grow.” - Koi Fresco
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For more of my life, I would say that I was obviously a child of the sun. Full of energy, loud, passionate, careless, unworried. I lived quickly and exuberantly, leaving a fiery path wherever I went. Never quite rebellious or hotheaded, but I was most certainly always in a rush and on a mission. Though now I still hold on to many of these traits that I believe make me the individual that I am, I have also found another side to me that was only realized with age and time spent alone. My parents always told other adults that when I was solo I was quiet and calm. They were almost always shocked. This was because I came alive in groups or a crowd (still today I find great energy at gatherings or in team environments). Even so, I have found a calm in my whirlwind nature.
Being alone for a period of time, whether that means out of a relationship or in a new country, allows you to get to know yourself as if you are discovering a brand new person. Ask yourself these questions... How would you spend your time if you could plan a week on your own? What would you wear if you'd only see strangers? What would you listen to if no one would hear? What do you genuinely like to do? I would not have been able to answer these questions at many times of my life. When you move so quickly and get absorbed in experiences so deeply that you don't notice your surroundings, you can lose who you are or never actually become who you are meant to be...without ever realizing. After being alone, I found a quieter side to my self. Not only was this side a bit darker, but calmer. I was able to sit still and slow down in the middle of a city with bustling people and busy intersections. I was able to pinpoint my feelings toward exact emotions and thoughts. I was able to appreciate small details and simple moments unlike ever before. I found my moon.
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Control has always been a delicate balancing act for me. As much as I believe that everything will always work out as it is supposed to NOW, I have always found a calm in control. I have learned that there are different types of people on this matter. Some actually find lists and schedules to be stressful... That is still odd to me, as I do not at all. The more I am able to plan an event or situation, the more I am usually able to relax. Going with the flow has truly never been natural for me. But like all aspects of my self growth journey, I noticed this as an opportunity and have been trying to improve upon it every chance that I get. Learning to take life as it comes, or bob in the ocean, has been critical to my self-development and relationship building. I used to always feel that if I allowed myself to go with the tide I would eventually 1. Be taken under by the waves that I couldn't see coming or 2. Be left behind by those who swam harder past me.
I had to reframe...
"Being present" was not the opposite of forward thinking, but appreciating the moment I am in.
"Going with the flow" was not being lazy or submissive, but being adaptive and open-minded.
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My point is this. Sometimes I will wake up bright and energetic facing the sun and other days I'll be drawn toward the quiet and stillness of the moon. I may not always know why I feel one way or another, but I have been able to find positives in harnessing both influences. The days will keep passing and no matter how hard you or I try, we will never be in total control. Find the joy in the whirlwind of life and breathe in the ocean air every second that you can.
RIDE THE WAVE, we all reach the shore either way.
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