What High School Sports Are Teaching Your Kids About Inequality

Last week I attended the Maine AA Boy's High School Basketball State Championship, a place I really never thought I'd be until I had kids of my own and definitely not the place I expected to be defining my view of inequality.

Before the game, I entertained myself by making small talk with a mother of one of the players on Scarborough's team. She was happy and nervous for her son, as I was for his coach, and after a few minutes of talking she expressed a level of excitement for something much larger than her son's game that night. She shared that her son was a three sport athlete... playing football, lacrosse and basketball most of his life. Though to my recollection he was a strong athlete all-around, she explained that he had always been much more focused on growing his skill in regards to the first two. That he spent countless hours outside of practice, since he was young, perfecting spirals and catching fly balls so that he would stand out among his peers. Where as with basketball, he simply joined because his father was in love with the sport and he could spend another season with his friends, but the passion for improvement was never there.

She said this dedication was most definitely linked to the fact that Scarborough, the town he grew up in, had countless State titles in both football and lacrosse. For years he went to these high school games and watched the older boys, that he grew up playing with, go on to succeed and bring pride to the town. I immediately related to this and couldn't help but realize, as I sat down for the game, that I too chose tennis and cheering as a child because the girls I grew up with had won countless championships before me. In fact, even my parents, wanting me to succeed, encouraged me to join these particular sports because of the success that my school had and therefore the strength of those programs in regards to nurturing my talent.

When the halftime buzzer rang, my mind wandered back to this idea. When I was young, the individuals I most looked up to were women who were confident and successful. I was lucky enough to have a mother who was a Sergeant Major, so the glass ceiling was not a relevant barrier in my young mind. If at 6 years old the sports I chose were so heavily based on the success I could picture for myself at 15 or 16. Then the careers I chose at 16 were most definitely based on the women I knew of having success in particular roles at 30+.

This mother had expressed how amazing it was, to her and the other parents in Scarborough, that the boys basketball team had made it to States that year. Not just because they had worked hard all season, but because all of the children in the stands who were currently in the feeder programs were able to watch the high school kids they looked up to succeed. Her son watched this team lose game after game when he was young and that completely changed the motivation he had for pursuing the sport.

When children look ahead they should able to find a women or man with a background they can relate to pursuing a future that they can aspire to themselves. Women in STEM roles inspire young girls to spend time out of the classroom making robots, it can be as simple as that. Though there are still many industries that do not have all genders and nationalities represented in their top-level positions, there is a way to change that. If you sit today unable to find someone like you in a position that you want, then you have to be that someone for the child behind you. 

Encourage your children to play the sports and pursue the careers where no one like them them has succeeded before. This will not only teach them remarkable life skills, but it could allow them to set a precedent for generations of young minds after them.

Month 1: Body Talk

January moto: To me, the body says what words cannot.
-Martha Graham


I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. As I've mentioned before, balance is not my forte.With that mentality comes a feeling of urgency and hunger. As if no matter how fast I go or item I check off, I am still behind where I want to be.. where I need to be. I'm not sure I'll ever be truly satisfied with myself because of this mindset, but I sure as hell won't ever settle. That is why, before starting this 12 month journey, I made sure to make overarching commandments. Which would guide me, calm me and remind me of what really matters.

Here are my commandments...

Be Kirsty.
Begin with love.
Find calm in day 366.
Embrace the unexpected.
Recognize and celebrate your growth.
Take control of your thoughts.
Spend time with your feelings.
Pause, always.
Be gentle with yourself.


This month was about foundation. Laying the groundwork for this year. When mapping out my 2018 goals I focused on this month the most, making sure that I put first things first. These goals will stack and, as I constantly remind myself, there will be more months to accomplish other aspirations.. but these are the necessities. When looking at next December, I wanted to know which of my goals, if achieved, would make me feel the most satisfied with my self-growth. After a little soul searching I determined the following 4 goals for January...


1. Hydrate: Drink a water with every alcoholic beverage
2. Safety: Don't touch your phone in the car
3. Mental Clarity: Stretch for 15 minutes a day
4. Strength: Sweat 4 times a week


Here I sit on January 25th, recognizing and celebrating my growth. And I realize I have some explaining to do..

1. If we've met, I'm sure you've heard me exclaim "I'm not a quitter!" This tends to be used in all contexts. Burpees, brunch, shots of tequila... I do not play around. This certainly has upsides and most definite downfalls. Usually my mouth is about 10 steps in front of my head and alcohol extends this gap another 20 feet. I've learned from experience that water helps. It helps the headaches from the booze and the headaches from the conversations I wish I did not have. I learned at a young age that regrets would be my downfall. Even back when Sunny D was my cocktail of choice, my mouth had a mind of its own and mulling over the words I said did not make my life any easier. Apology after apology I'd try to take back comments I made, but I've learned to except my fate and embrace my filterless existence. Some say my transparency is refreshing! Others would say my bluntness is rude. I say.. who cares! Quite frankly, I'm the only person who has to live with my words so I've chosen to accept them. BUT that doesn't mean that I need any fuel pumped into this motor mouth, which is exactly what liquor does. This past month, I have done better. Less Sunday scaries for sure and I'll accredit that to mixing in a freaking water. I will not say I drank one with EVERY drink, but I was a lot more mindful and that is my goal. Perfection is not attainable, so mindfulness is going to do just fine.


2. Many people in my life are afraid of flying. I've never really understood that because what frightens me most are situations where I hold the control. I'm sure any therapist could get to the bottom of that, but I'll just roll with it for now. For example, driving. I'm not a fan and I'm not that good at it. My mind is always in 100 locations and when I am behind the wheel, that is where it needs to be. A cell phone ads another 100 places for my mind to travel! You may be reading this and thinking, "Why would she admit that she uses her phone in the car!? That's so dangerous." Ya.. I know it is! And that is exactly why I have to admit it, to you and myself. I am here telling you all I have a problem and it terrifies me. It not drugs and I'm pretty positive it's not red wine (just yet) but it is using my phone in the car. I have it set that I have to tell my phone I am not driving once I am in a moving car to stop myself, but still after 10 minutes I find myself scanning emails.. What is wrong with me? I am going to have to start shutting it off because this is very important to me and I need to figure it out. I am not typing emails going 60 down the highway, but I allow my mind to wander at red lights and we all know that it only takes a second for a vehicle to change a lifetime. If you have any tricks that have helped you drop this horrible habit, PLEASE SHARE. I need to make a change.


3. My mom hates running. She's explained that through her years of military training, running was a mandatory task and physical measurement for gauging her fitness level. Therefore, once she no longer had to take PT tests, she decided that she no longer was going to do workouts that she did not find enjoyable. I find this similar to a child forced to eat vegetables and them growing to be an adult who embraces their free will by choosing to not each green beans. I like running and I like vegetables.. but I can relate. Stretching through my whole life has been my mandatory activity. I was a flyer in cheering and I remember sitting in splits crying, not from pain necessarily but because there was nothing I wanted to do less than stretch. Once my career as a flyer stopped and aggressive stretching was no longer was crucial, I did as little as possible. A few months later, this contempt had pushed back in my mind and I was focused on improving my body composition through weight lifting. My sister informed me that stretching would help my muscles recover quicker which would encourage growth and loosen my painfully tight hip joints (shocking I know). But at this time, stretching only had one purpose in my mind and I had never reframed to see all of the benefits that were unrelated to cheering. Can you think of one aspect of your life that you avoid because it is mandatory or once was? Can you find a way to reframe this activity for yourself? I was lucky to have done this without consciously trying! It can be very difficult... but so worth it! This past month, I have not stretched 15 minutes every day.. however I've learn a lot about framing stretching in a way that motivates me to do it and not dread the process. I enjoy stretching with other people after workout classes and in yoga, but find stretching alone miserable. Moving forward, I will plan my stretching in my workouts instead of telling myself to find time during the day. I am constantly putting new pressures on my body and stresses on my mind and I highly value the physical and mental benefits of stretching.. this is important to me and over the next month I will continue to work at this practice.

4. I work hard, I swear! The workouts I do get my heart rate up and I am out of breath, but I am just not a sweater. Though this may seem like a positive to others, it has its downsides. Sweat shows that you are working hard! Sweat gets toxins out of your body and skin! I could go to the gym 7 days this next week lifting weights and doing cardio, but unless I really kick my butt I am not going to perspire. I've also found that when I don't really sweat during a workout, I don't feel as accomplished and my mind doesn't feel as clear. I have been living the #fitlife for a while and I know that I prefer to work hard at a gym 4 days and then move my body in different ways the other 3 than work moderately hard at the gym all week. So I made a pact to myself. At least 4 times a week I will really sweat! If that means sprints before I leave after a class or jumping jacks in between sets of curls, I will get myself sweating. With this goal, I've done well! I found 2 classes that fit my schedule, are fun and always make me sweat. So twice a week I know for sure I'll get it in. For the other 2 days, I've been trying different types of circuits and cardio to find what gets me sweating the most. So maybe sweat is not actually the best indicator for how hard I've worked, but it gets me motivated to push myself and try new challenges. So it works for me!



So that was January! I'll be bringing these goals and their many lessons with me on my next month's journey and I am eager to be adding 4 more! February's focus is Mindfulness and Patience. The chapter where I learn to shut up. 

Do You See What I See?

Never have I looked to the next year for salvation. It is not that I haven't had low moments, and yes I know that there is someone reading this rolling their eyes at my definition of "low moments", but this is my story. I will not sit here and bear my soul in all its entirety these next 12 months, but I will do my best to be transparent. Without admitting struggle I cannot change or grow and that's my reason for this adventure. However my heart is in my chest for a reason, to protect it from outer harm, and I intend to keep it safe by maintaining some barriers between it and this world.

I intend to change starting January 1st and, like I've stated, it is not because I currently do not like who I am. It is more because I will change whether I take control of my life or not. We all start pure with our paths in life, more or less, undefined. We begin wearing unfiltered glasses to help us see the world for the first time. As we meet new people, learn new skills and have new experiences we grow. Our heart and mind hold on to these items and films cover our once clear lenses. I don't think it's worth the effort, or possible in most circumstances, to wipe off this coating. That layer has been built for a reason and it now changes how you see your world so that you can become more of yourself. This allows for you to see a flower and a wall and a baby different than I do. Based on what you were born with and what has happened to you since that day, we will never be the same. And that is beautiful! 

What a wonderful opportunity that we all have to share our views with someone else and enhance their perspective. I see perspective as this... Imagine if I was born on an island where I have to stay forever but my view is always staring at the Caribbean sea and you in similar circumstances but staring at the rolling hills of Ireland. Each view stunning in their own regard, but wouldn't it be amazing to see both? In this analogy, we can't leave. Just as we can't truly alter how our minds see our world. However, sharing perspective allows us to do just that. I may never leave my island, but my friend could share the shades of emerald shining from that Irish land and I could appreciate more of the world thanks to them. 

Every single one of us are our own being and every day we evolve more and more into who we will become. There is no end game, there is only what you put out into the universe and how you help shape others into their potential selves. A year from now, I will not be who I am today and I intend to grab onto the wheel with two hands. 

I've defined my next 12 months based on categories where I've found opportunity and I am excited. Truly. 22 years old and here I am grabbin life. I am technically lying in bed, but my mind is all that little girl standing on the bathroom counter shouting about how much she loves her life into the mirror. She gets it. Life IS freaking great if you just take a second to appreciate the little things, like loving up on your haircut and pajamas. I am not overly religious or spiritual, but to some extent I believe there is a purpose for all of us already defined. I believe each of us has someone at the end of our lives who we COULD become. Someone who has faced countless set backs, but has accomplished more than our now selves could ever even dream of accomplishing. BUT I don't believe that everyone becomes that person. Becoming someone we will be proud of is hard and terrifying. 

I have a good idea of what I want to see in the mirror at the end of my life. What I would have liked to have achieved so that the wrinkled eyes staring back at me are proud of the life I've lived. I like to live with that mindset, that the only person I am trying to impress is that woman. Every set back I face, I let her be my motivation. Some find it lonely once they realize that the only person who will always understand and be there for them until their last breath is their self.. but I find calm in knowing she will be there in the end.

Next month, I'll let my body do the talking... More details to come. But now that's enough about glasses, it's time to fill mine with champagne! 

I Don't Have Commitment Issues... Thanks To You

My freshman year of college I lost 25 pounds. My sophomore year of college I built a team of a dozen peers and lead a very successful direct sales team. A few months back I trained for 13 weeks and ran my first half marathon. Last year I gave up coffee for Lent and did not cheat once. Why am I giving you a laundry list of random recent accomplishments? Because there is a single reason that those were all not only goals I set, but fully committed to and succeeded at. Why were these goals different than the countless others my mind has dreamed up? I made public commitments to you. "You" meaning not just myself... I put my goal out there into the universe. After it escapes my mind, it truly does not matter if my progress is followed intricately by 40 friends or celebrated with a high five from a family member at the finish line. Once it's out of my mouth and written down it is real and it has expectations that mean something.

I'll be the first to say that I am my own harshest critic and I am not one to give up easily, but I accredit almost every large success I have had to other people. Not always their physical role, but the fact that I told another soul my intentions. Many of you have seen your friends on social media post that they are quitting a bad habit or getting a gym membership and proceed to  ask your computer screen why they feel the need to share... I am guilty as well. Most of the time, I am also guilty of allowing my own selfish reasons prevent me from encouraging them in these new endeavors.

The scene plays out as so... Status of random Facebook "friend" that I haven't seen since high school "Announcement all, I am starting Paleo for humanitarian reasons. Please post below any recipes you have! So excited for this journey!"... I can't tell you how many one liner jokes come to mind when I see this on my feed. Even though I have considered pursuing a similar dietary move, for similar reasons, almost weekly myself. Why is poking fun my natural inclination? Almost certainly insecurity. Stemming from fear and lack of willpower to do the same. This stranger has chosen to share their new goal, which most likely scares them, with all of us via social media. How brave! Who knows whether they are looking for supportive advice or encouraging words or, like me, just need to tell the universe so that I am held responsible. Social media has a bad rep and for many good reasons, but for this I'll defend these platforms. As humans, we have a need to connect with others and sites like Facebook allow us to do this. We all spend more hours inhabiting these spaces then we will admit... and I do not see that changing on a large scale any time soon. Let's all do our part to put a little more good energy into these social sites instead of complaining about the negatives. If you were really that "anti-social media" then you would not be posting a status about it. Since you've chosen to spend your time scrolling why not use minimal effort to encourage someone. Be the positive difference instead adding more negativity to our newsfeeds.

In conclusion, let Jen go vegan and Steve quit smoking and Jackie start Crossfit. They set a goal and have taken the first step by putting it out there and telling a friend or their 1000 friends on social media. I can speak from experience, when I say that public commitments have made all the difference between goals I have set and goals I have accomplished. Give them the thumbs up instead of the middle finger and maybe they'll do the same when you decide to pursue your next adventure.

.
.
.

Speaking of adventures.... starting January 1 I will be going on my own. A journey I am bursting with excitement to journal and share. 2018 will be the year of my very own Happiness Project. Modeled after the book by Gretchen Rubin. My short synopsis of this read is.. Though she was a successful career women with a beautiful, loving family she commonly found herself stressed, argumentative and unappreciative. She didn't live with happiness as a high priority and as an avid researcher she decided to learn as much about the subject as possible. After months of collecting information and self reflecting on her very own happiness-hurdles she set a 12 month plan. Each month was given a broad subject like "January, Vitality: Boost Energy" with smaller steps under each larger focus. At the end of the year and her book.. well you'll have to read it yourself to hear the result... BUT I was inspired to do the same. Until I closed the cover and returned back to my day-to-day with not much more than a few small "happiness tips" implemented into my life.

I graduated last May and for the past 6 months I have been adjusting to my first full-time job and living back at home with my parents. For lack of better words, both aspects of post-college life are "great". I have a loving family, a supportive boyfriend, a cuddly dog and a job that provides me constant excitement and challenge. I can hear you all now... yeah, yeah that's nice Kirsty. So what's the problem? That's just it!! I haven't been able to put my finger on it and for someone who has never found words very difficult, this has been frustrating. I completed Gretchen's book months ago, but for the first time... the lightbulb clicked. This feeling I can only describe as 'uncomfortably comfortable'. I have determined that comfortable makes me itchy and stir-crazy and leaves me with a gross taste in my mouth. So I considered moving out... and booking a few long trips... and returning to school... and getting another dog. Well that all seemed a immature or unrealistic for the time being, as I am a recent grad with minimal resources. So how could I get out of my own way and continue to grow as a person while living back in my childhood room? Shake things up a bit. So I've done it. I have set my very own 12 month plan...

Details to follow.